Common sense dictates that when faced with the dreadedteenager tantrum... we should respond, appropriately. But it can be really difficult to respond appropriately and in a fashion that models good personal communication.
If you think back to how your relationship with your parents were, or how your parents used to respond when faced with a tantrum. Chances are that you can relate to the way they responded.
Those of us who have children use the same prosaic techniques our parents used to discipline us. I remember my parents would not ask me to do a chore until I asked first... and I knew, even then, that it was a temporary situation that would be resolved and soon I could ask to do the task. Actually, I believe that is the essence of good parenting; the readiness to sit down with a child and discuss the situation. When we listen to our child, as we have been trained to do, we are able to think faster and make decisions faster than our child.
I think most of the time, if we look at our children as learning machines, obediently following their implantation schedule, they are pliable enough in their teens to make them respond with appropriate behavior. That is not to say, as parents we can't begin to pretend to Corporations and other authorities that our teens have other motivations, motivating themes, feelings that are not under our control. For instance, a friend says that while he is attending a dance lesson, his teenage daughter had a problem that she wanted them to help her with, but she can't tell her parents, because she has no clue how to express her feelings. Can you imagine your teen's frustration? What are we supposed to do to make it stop?
So, if we do not have the tools to respond appropriately in a way that models good communication, and that the child understands that all behavior is merely a means to an end and the end can be having fun, continuing the school experience, performing well in their social environment, etc. then we are going to have an increasingly difficult time whenever the teen has a tantrum.
What is one parent to do if you cannot get the child to consent to what you want him or her to do? You certainly fight them to the end. If the teen throws a tantrum, calmly hold them, problem solved and on come the next day and continue doing what they have been demanding until they get tired of ended whinging and screaming. If you do not have the emotional maturity to respond in this way, quickly reach out to someone who does as this is very difficult to do emotionally without any support from friends, siblings or in the family. Next time her or she throws a tantrum, allow them to continue and offer to talk to their parents about it, and ask for cooperation on their part. Make sure the teen's parents understand that this is your way to work it out so everyone has a win-win for the long term.
We all have bad days when we don't have control over our kids and make mistakes that trip us up. But the important thing to remember is that at 11 or 12, when your child is starting to show an interest in driving a vehicle, your primary concern is not whether he or she has good motor skills, but whether or not you child understands how to control and manage a vehicle. That is just starting to migrate into driving and interpersonal skills. And as soon as your child proves they can manage a vehicle with reasonable close quarters and by working on the basics of how to work with others, your focus will start to shift to those skills that can make your child more successful. Years from now, your teen won't remember you fought them to the end, but the fight will be on their shoulder and a little later, not your own.
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Life